do over

Today was one of those days where you wish you could go back in time to the moment you got out of bed and change everything you did – one of those days you want to just do over again and make it right. Except there is no concept of undo in real life. There is that episode of 30 rock, where Tina Fey has an adoption agent inspect her workplace in an evaluation for her suitability to adopt and the agent gets knocked unconscious and suffers amnesia and she attempts to redo the evaluation. The situation was absurd and funny and sad all at the same time and reinforced the point that there is no undo in real life. In fact, the undo in a digital sense isn’t really an undo either, more of an erase and redo. There is no undo – you can’t actually erase the mistake you made. In Islam, there is a concept known as the barzaq, the time in between the end of the world and the beginning of the day of Judgement It is said, that during this time, we will be thinking or more worrying about our soul, and our whole lives will pass before our eyes – I often wonder what it would be like to watch my life again and how odd it would be to watch myself look at pictures or videos of my life, it would be like watching an event in triplicate. Mistakes made amplified.
There is a Michael Franti song with a line in it that goes something like ‘It’s never too late to start the day over’ – I feel like that song was written for today. For when everything goes wrong in your day – to the baby girl not sleeping well, forgetting to buy key ingredients for dinner, for not feeding her properly, for not getting her to nap on time, screwing up dinner and being in an uncontrollably bad mood – this song reminds me that I can start to do things right even if it started off wrong. Except I didn’t have it in me today, I felt so broken and so exhausted
You win some, you lose some. I will try the buddhist approach to feeling the emotion of defeat and letting it pass through me so that I can dettach from it Thank God I am loved

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