heart ache

if i breathe in really deepand breathe out really slow
i can almost not feel it
the dull ache in my chest
that grows when i stop to think
maybe i can make it go away if breath hard enough

its trapped inside me
a little bubble of ache
in my chest
its like when you swallow a bubble of air
that clutches as your chest and you have gasp to get it out
wriggling and burping and chest banging
all for a little bubble of air

but the ache won’t come out so easy
the ache doesn’t want to float to top
it just sinks and spreads
and the only way out is to wail
to cry to let it all out
and hope the ache makes its way out

if i close my eyes
and squint in my minds eye
everything is okay
my heart doesn’t hemorrhage
my mind is happy

but when i don’t think so much
when i don’t pretend
i can’t seem to find a way out
keeping my heart and mind intact

motherhood is such a double edged sword


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